I like Chinese

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 16:49:09 GMT

I'm getting induced tomorrow at 6 am, EDT. Wish us luck. I hear Pitocin is a bitch. Mmmmmm, epidural.

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 15:36:45 GMT

Happy due date to me
Happy due date to me
Happy due date, dear Jenny
Happy due date to me!

Where's my baby, dammit??

Just FYI, if you haven't seen me in 9 months, and you happen to run into me when I'm 9 months pregnant and pretty much the most uncomfortable I've ever been, the first thing out of your mouth should not be "OH MY GOD you are so FAT!!" Why? Because pregnant women don't like to be called fat any more than non-pregnant women do, especially when the 30 extra lbs they're carrying is fluid, person, and tissue. I'm looking at you, Hillary. While I'm at it, I hate it when you try and dominate the conversation. I especially hate it when you dominate the conversation so you can talk about yourself, you spoiled little brat.

40w0d

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 13:53:06 GMT

Oh hey! So that's what a mucus plug looks like!

GET OUT, BABY. GET OUT.

39w0d

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 06:47:18 GMT

Dear Baby Jesus,

Two wishes: 1, a win over the Cowboys tomorrow, and 2, that I go into labor immediately following our win.

38w1d

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 17:08:35 GMT

I think the baby dropped. I'm peeing even more frequently, the bottom of my belly is all hard, and I'm hungry all the time now. When it doesn't hurt to walk, I'm walking around like a cowboy. Or one of those Mystics from the Dark Crystal, but without all the leathery beak stuff and less hair.

I went to the doctor on Friday and he says I'm a 1/2 cm dilated. Whoo hoo!

37w4d

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 15:42:42 GMT

Sorry Andy :) I've been neglecting this blog.

So with 5 weeks left to go with this pregnancy, we've finally finished all our classes, because neither of us knew nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies. After going through 6 weeks of the teacher telling us to relax and let the contractions do what they're supposed to do, I've come to the conclusion that kung-fu training is a lot like Lamaze. For our belt tests, we always had to stand in a horse stance for a certain amount of time in order to pass. You'd get people who would go all drama queen and scrunch up their faces and pant and moan until a master/instructor called time. I found the easiest thing to do was just to get into my stance, and start singing the soundtrack of Les Mis or Beauty and the Beast in my head. If my legs ever started burning, I'd just keep saying "There's no pain. It's a pity and a sin! She doesn't quite fit in, but she really is a funny girl..."

I'll let you guys know if that holds true after I go through labor. I might change my mind entirely, especially with other moms coming up to me saying "Just get the epidural. It's not worth it."

The pets are doing well. Jeffery's been skittish lately, and I suspect it's because Mr. Belvedere's been sneaking up on him and pouncing on him. We clipped Mr. B's claws yesterday just to play it safe because while he's playing now, Jeffery might get pissed off and start an actual fight, and we're pretty sure Mr. B would win. That little bastard is ridiculously strong. I guess that's what two years of living in the streets of Gaithersburg will do to you.

Our nursery is finally finished. You can sort of tell it's for a girl, judging by the girly mobile we put in her crib, and the stacks of pink clothes on the shelves, but other than that it's pretty gender neutral. She even has a toy tool set ready to go when she's a little older. You can't accuse us of assigning gender roles :)

I'm tired of being pregnant. She's 2 weeks shy of being full-term, but I'm tired of being huge and thirsty and heartburny all the time. I'm supposed to consume 2400 calories a day right now. I could probably get that accomplished with just one visit to Coldstone Creamery. Mmmmmm, Coldstone.

35w1d

Don't lie to me. I know when you're lying.

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 15:35:10 GMT

Customer: Hi, yes I need this [patch]?
Me: Did you try looking for it on [our software page] already?
Customer: Yes [whine] I couldn't find it! [whine] Couldn't you just send me the URL, or the [patch] itself?
Me: Well, let's walk you through [our software page] so you can see how to get it.
Customer: Why can't you just send it to me?
Me: There's some marketing issues involved, sir. [may or may not be a lie, but teach a man to fish...]
Customer: oh alright. But my network is really really slow so it's going to take me a long time to get in
Me: That's alright, I can wait.
Customer: It doesn't like my username and password. It's not letting me in.

Inner Angry Voice: Oh, ok. So you don't know your username or password, and then you call me and want me to do your goddamn work for you after you lie to me and tell me that you did look when in fact you were completely unable to look? DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME. I'M PREGNANT AND EASILY PISSED OFF.

Me: Well that's alright sir. We'll just open up a new case, and the support people can reset your username and password for you. Then when you get that squared away, we'll walk you through getting the [patch].
Customer: Ok, can I call you directly then?

Inner Angry Voice: NO, YOU DUMBFUCK. I HATE YOU.

Me: Just call the 1-800 number and reference this case number. They'll send you right to me.

Oh Inner Angry Voice. It's so hard to suppress you.

29w4d

What Not to Say to Pregnant Women 101

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 13:53:32 GMT

Simone: hey there fatso
me: Simone, that's really rude.
Simone: are you serious?
Simone: i figured your cute belly would be growing by now
me: pg women have serious body image issues.
Simone: oh. oops
me: if I was in a bad place, I would be crying right now.
me: don't EVER call a pregnant woman fatso.
Simone: lol. i'm sorry
Simone: what if she was fat before she got pregnant
me: god, even most men know that
Simone: i'm just gonna go

I am not a little pissed.

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 15:45:06 GMT

Dear Sputnik,

Please stop kicking me in my guts. It kind of smarts. I liked it better when you were kicking out.

Love, Mom.

24w5d

Tue, 31 May 2005 16:37:30 GMT

The great thing about pregnancy cravings is that you're forced to make whatever it is you're craving, which in turn saves you money.

Specifically, I was craving some ice-cold gazpacho. Tyler hates gazpacho. This means that I have about 10-12 servings of gazpacho to consume by myself, and since the garlic and onions make the flavor of the gazpacho so potent that I can only eat one bowl at a time, I have enough gazpacho to last me for the next week. I love gazpacho!

Mon, 16 May 2005 17:24:50 GMT

We got a new cat. He's a 2-year old stray black domestic medium-hair we picked up from PetSmart, through the Last Chance Animal Rescue. He's an affectionate little guy, almost to the point where he's clingy. When I work from home, he jumps on the desk and plops himself down on the keyboard, and he has no conpunctions about meowing and pawing at me when I'm on the phone. It's kind of embarrassing and unprofessional, really. Usually I have to kick him out of the room and close the door.

Our crib also arrived 9 weeks early. It's beautiful, and sturdy, and inexpensive.

Also, we're having a little girl. We have a short list of names, but we probably won't decide on one until we meet her.

Yesterday my friends and I went out for crabs. I ate 16. At $30 for all you can eat, my Chinese sensibilities dictate that I squeeze out as much meat as I can, and by 16 crabs, I was pretty exhausted. My fingers all have little puncture wounds from the pointy crab parts. After the crabs, we decided we needed ice cream, so we walked to Ben & Jerry's. As I was walking to the parking garage, someone poked me really hard in the belly. I whipped my head around looking for the culprit, and there was nobody. It turns out the baby had kicked me really, really hard; much harder than all her previous movements. That's a pretty interesting experience. And it had to be funny for my friend Stef, who only saw me whirling around looking indignantly at nothing.

20w2d

Wed, 04 May 2005 03:58:46 GMT

It's 11:54, and I can't get to sleep because I've come down with an evil cold which is keeping me from breathing out of my nose, which in turn is drying my mouth out. If not for my humidifier, my throat would be parched too.

I made today a sick day. Normally I'd just crawl my way through work, but being that I can't take any drugs to alleviate this cold, I opted for rest and chicken soup. I don't know if it did any good.

I've been feeling the baby move pretty consistently for the past couple of weeks now. The movements mostly felt like slight pokes, or like a goldfish was swimming in my belly, but they've been getting steadily stronger. I put Tyler's hand on my belly as we were watching the Chapelle Show, and out of 8 or 10 nudges, he felt 2 of them. He said they feel like muscle twitches from the outside. Heee!

We find out this coming Monday if we're on Team Hotdog or Team Bun. Exciting stuff.

18w3d

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 19:58:19 GMT

This post is unbelievable and amazing. I seriously cannot stop crying.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/anaphor/1632.html

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 13:40:26 GMT

What a mess this weekend was.

My baby girl Jif died. I adopted that cat when I was 12, and she was 8 weeks old. She lived with me for just under 16 years. Towards the end of her life she was kind of a gross kitty; she'd piss all over the carpet and she'd poop on the bathroom floor instead of in her litter pan and smear her poo all over the floor. She never got along with the dog or the other cat, and a few weeks ago she stuck her paw in her own puke and then got litter crusted all over it. She was a disgusting cat.

But I loved her to itty bits, and I'm sad she's gone. She was a great companion to me when I was going through my awkward stages in middle and high school. She somehow always knew when I was crying, and she'd run from wherever she was in the house to lay a paw on my arm, like she was asking "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" It was really adorable, and you couldn't help but smile when she did that.

On the other hand, now my bedroom and my bathroom smell good again.

In pregnancy news, I'm not as sleepy anymore, and the constipation has gone away, and I'm starting to show. It's not noticeable when I wear sweats or whatever, but if I wore my yoga pants, which I wouldn't because I don't own any shirts that'll cover my belly decently, you'd be able to see the baby pooch.

And somehow I haven't gained any weight. Well, I have and I haven't. I gained 3 lbs before I went on vacation, but then walking six thousand miles around DisneyWorld and SeaWorld along with contracting some disgusting purging-fevery sickness made me lose some weight. When I got back from vacation and I stuffed myself with a good meal, I weighed myself again, and I'd lost 3 lbs. I just weighed myself this morning (a week and a half after vacation), and I've gained a pound since losing 3, making a net of 2 lbs lost. Or 1 lb gained, depending on how you look at it.

Either way, the baby's doing fine. Last week we heard his/her little heartbeat thumping away at 153 bpm. :)

13W4D

This is getting ridiculous.

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 21:16:38 GMT

So one of my turtles, the red-eared slider, recently became sexually mature, and as a result, became territorial. One day I found his tankmate, the painted turtle, basking on a rock with his feet, neck, and tail looking like raw meat. The red-eared slider had really done a number on the poor guy. After about 2 months of balm, antibiotic injections and quarantine, the painted turtle was completely healed and we decided that maintaining two tanks was too much work, and that we should probably put the red-eared slider up for adoption.

Well I looked into the mid-atlantic turtle and turtle society web page, and they facilitate adoptions by asking you to fill out an information form/application. I started filling it out, and I got to the second question, which said "How long have you owned your turtle?" I started typing out "11 years" when my eyes started welling up, and I just burst into tears. I composed myself, shut that window down, and called Tyler to tell him about the site I found. But then in the process of telling him, I burst into tears again and said "Can't we just get another tank???" I got off the phone and eventually stopped crying.

Then I went over to the Bud Light website to listen to the Mr. Kiss-Me-I'm-Irish Pin Wearer commercial, and started watching the TV ads. I opened up the one where the soldiers walk through the airport and everybody starts clapping and I burst into tears again.

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY EMOTIONS ANYMORE! It's WAH WAH all the time, and it's ridiculous.

10 weeks, 6 days.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 16:58:58 GMT

I have an appointment today at 1:45. They're going to do another pap schmear. Everybody loves pap schmears! For the past few days I've been a little lightheaded. It was bad enough yesterday that I didn't trust myself to drive. It's better today, so I'm thinking that maybe I didn't get enough to eat the day before yesterday. Note to self: Eat more food.

Need. More. Fiber.

On Saturday I played my last volleyball tournament, and I ended my career brilliantly. We only went 4-4, but in the last game, it was 25-25. One of the girls on the other team overpassed, so I went up, saw open court on the left side, and killed the ball. My team was all fired up that the shortest pregnant girl on the team got a kill. Then we won the match when our next server served an ace. Wahoo!

On another completely unrelated note, but related to the unrelated note I mentioned before, a few days after I cleared up my freezing computer problem, my computer started freezing up again. I was irritated until I remembered that my bastard husband had started using my computer post-cleaning. I ran SpyBot, AdAware and Microsoft Anti-Spyware and picked up all sorts of lovely malware. It turns out that my bastard husband hasn't been visiting pr0n sites. No no, nothing that obvious and easy to diagnose. My bastard husband has been visiting www.itsyourturn.com, an html-based game site where you can play chess, backgammon, reversi, checkers, battleship, stratego, and a host of other games. It seems www.itsyourturn.com has some kinda malware that makes my computer lockup after a couple hours.

I've banned my bastard husband from using my computer. One of these days I might relent, and let him use it under the condition that he runs the anti-spyware/adware/malware programs after he's done taking turns. My bastard husband is computer VD. :D

7 weeks, 4 days.

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 17:37:45 GMT

Whoo hoo! We had an ultrasound on Monday and there's a baby with a heartbeat, 128 bpm! What a relief. I also got my numbers back from the OB workup - 44,000 HCG, and normal progesterone levels. I'm not feeling many symptoms other than sleepiness and hurty boobs, but I am starting to pee a little more frequently. Also, I had my last volleyball practice on Wednesday, and my timing is completely off. Someone set me a 10-ball, and I jumped, landed, and then watched as the ball dropped right in front of me. I can't jump as high, and I'm not nearly as fast as I was before. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to play libero this weekend, but let's hope it goes well.

On a completely unrelated note, my computer was having problems in the past week where it would just randomly freeze up. I thought maybe it was a bad power supply, or bad memory or something, so I first I bought a stick of 256MB. I figure, even if it's not the memory, more memory can't hurt, since I'm running WinXP on 128MB. Please don't laugh. So I opened up my machine, and there was an incredibly thick layer of dust. Gross. I blew all the dust out and left the cover off, and it hasn't frozen up since, so I guess it was an overheating issue.

Just FYI: WinXP runs way better with 384MB than 128MB.

6 weeks, 6 days. I'm due on Oct. 1st.

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 21:28:45 GMT

I had my first real OB workup yesterday. They took 4 vials of blood and scheduled me for an ultrasound this coming Monday with a followup OB appointment the Wednesday after. They also gave me the same Bag-o-Pregnancy they gave me last time full of coupons, pamphlets, calendars, and advertisements.

By Monday, I'll be 7 weeksish, so we should be able to see a heartbeat if there is one. If there isn't one, well then crap. We'll see on Monday I guess.

In the meantime, my boobs hurt, I almost threw up my lunch, and I'm having some cramping here and there. Grow uterus, grow! Mama needs a new uh...baby...I guess.

6 weeks, 3 days according to babycenter.com

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 22:45:27 GMT

This is a little TMI, so be forewarned if you don't like hearing about bodily fluids.

So we had a little scare a few nights ago. We got busy and schtupped. After we'd finished, I felt this awful cramp. Much worse than the cramps I'd experienced before. I thought it was just regular uterus-expansion, or maybe even constipation, or possibly gas. So I went to the bathroom and peed for the fifteenth time that day. When I wiped, there was all this pink spotting. I looked in the toilet: pink goo.

So as I was sitting on my toilet wiping, I immediately started freaking out, thinking that I was having a threatened miscarriage, and oh shit, what if having all the sex made it worse? Then the cramping immediately stopped. And by the third wipe, the pink spotting was gone too. So I hopped online and googled pregnancy and pink spotting. Most of the websites said that pink spotting after sex was normal, but I should call my doctor.

Meanwhile, Tyler stood there saying "I feel so guilty now," and I had to tell him that it would be ok, that he probably just boned me a little bit too hard, and shook up some goo in my junk. We went to bed, and when I woke up the next morning, I called my doctor. The nurse I spoke to assured me that pink spotting was very normal in early pregnancy, and that I should only worry if the bleeding continued or got worse, or if the cramping was unbearable. My paranoid fears assuaged, I called Tyler and told him that it was normal, and that the nurse had even said we could keep having all the sex. "Oh goody," he replied.

Not 10 minutes later, a different nurse called back and said "Hi, we got the results of your blood test, and you are pregnant, and your levels are going up." And she set up an appointment for me for my first OB workup.

I told a couple friends about what our little escapade had resulted in, and one of my friends said that bleeding after sex is very common, and the cramping happens because when you have an orgasm, your uterus contracts. But since you're growing a fetus and a placenta, your uterus is supposed to be expanding. So the uterus is like Homer, in that one Halloween episode, going "Urge to grow...growing...growing...growingSHRINKING...growing....grown...[content sigh]", where the shrinking is when the girl orgasms.

I shared that information with Tyler, and he said "So what you're telling is that whenever we have sex from now on, I'm the only one who's allowed to orgasm."

Yeeeeah...

5 weeks 4 days, according to babycenter.com

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 22:42:16 GMT

Holy crap, my boobs are killing me.

I did some laundry today -- and yes, it's true, I cheat and do laundry when I'm supposed to be working -- and as I was hovering over the washer, fishing my laundry out to throw it into the dryer, my boobs were overcome with these horrible stabbing pains. Seriously, stabbing.

In addition, I'm delighted to welcome back my old friend, Horrible Gas. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can hear my guts do whatever it is they're doing. And if the movement is audible inside my body, you can imagine how audible it is outside of my body. All I have to say is, my coworkers should be glad I'm working from home today.

Week 5 began today. Maybe I'll get to schedule an ultrasound in a few weeks and see if this bad boy has a heartbeat.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 20:13:15 GMT

I've reached the zenith - or is it nadir? - of dorkdom. I bought a new bookshelf because I was running low on places to put all my books. The fiction section was pretty easy - Regular fiction alphabetized by author, followed by children's books alphabetized by author, followed by fantasy/sci-fi first sorted by author in alphabetical order and then by series order, followed by fantasy/sci-fi serials, like Star Trek books.

As if I haven't already hit rock bottom by admitting that I own Star Trek books.

The non-fiction books posed a bit of a problem though, because there's no logic to sorting those books alphabetically by author. So what's a dork to do? The Dewey Decimal system. I only have three and a half shelves full of non-fiction as opposed to the nine for fiction. But they're all sorted the way Mr. Dewey himself would have sorted them. There's even a section for all my Chinese literature, which is flanked by my Latin books and Math books.

I'm not making a very good case for myself.

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 20:00:31 GMT

I thought it would be nice to start a pregnancy journal. But since we're no telling anybody until we at least see a heartbeat this time, I'll just lock down these entries and make them public later.

So on Sunday morning, I took my temperature, and instead of plummeting like it usually does before I get my period, it went higher. I went downstairs to take a pregnancy test because I didn't want to wake up Tyler, and also because I left the tests in the downstairs bathroom. Instead of the ept or First Response, I got one of those ClearBlue Easy digital pee tests. So I peed on that stick, stuck it in the digital reader and stood around and read the box. When the digital reader finally beeped, I looked down at the sink and there was, clear as day: " Pregnant". See, there's space for the "No" in case you're not pregnant. I said "Oh my god!" and went upstairs to show Tyler. He said "That's great Jenny <smooch> but I'd like to sleep a little more."

We woke up an hour later, and headed off to my volleyball tournament. We went 2-7, but that's ok.

And today is Friday. The only symptoms I'm experiencing so far are constant peeing, some cramping (either from constipation or from uterus-stretching), gas, and this dreadful sleepiness that comes over me at about 3:00 in the afternoon. Hope this one sticks. I'm naming my fetus "Sputnik". Because my baby is spherical, but quite pointy in parts.

According to babycenter.com, I'm 4 weeks, 4 days.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 06:14:39 GMT

For years, I evaded it. Where others had failed to avoid it, I managed to cleverly sidestep it, and mock those who could not. I was this mighty bulwark! An impenetrable gate! But alas, time has caught up with me, and Fate has chased me down. My defenses were weak, and with greatest sorrow, I've succumbed.

Bacne. The combination of going off birth control pills, this dry winter, and more volleyball playing in a super-tight uniboobifying bra has made the sebaceous glands on my back cry like a little girl. Disgusting. So I've started a daily regimen of cleansing (Aveeno body wash), exfoliation (Night Blooming Jasmine with kelp beads), and deep moisturizing (grean tea and cucumber body cream). No new bacne! yeah!

Oh, was that TMI?

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 16:01:54 GMT

My family, they're so generous :)

My mom and dad got us a friggin' digital camcorder. My dad accidentally left the packing slip in the box which included the price of the camcorder. Holy smokes.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law got us a 15" flat screen TV so we could mount it up in the kitchen somewhere. That way I could cook and watch TV at the same time. Not good for my sedentary lifestyle if you ask me :P

And my sister-in-law got me the best gift of all in terms of immediate gratification:

If you have ceramic tile in your kitchen/foyer area, and it's 30 degrees outside, these things are so fabulous. I'm so excited about them that I keep typoing. :D

A Lesson for Boys

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 18:42:37 GMT

The guys had USAV practice on Saturday morning, and since I'd played volleyball until 12:00 the night before, I was way too tired to go with Tyler. After practice, they went to Bob Evans for breakfast, and Tyler called and asked if I wanted to join them. So I headed over and we ordered breakfast, and we talked about how practice went, and how everybody was sore, and random shooting the shit.

Well then Harold mentioned something about how his wife being pregnant (she's 20 weeks; she was a week ahead of me when I was pregnant, but we found out at the same time). And then Greg talked about his wife being pregnant (she's about 11 weeks), and Colin mentioned that his wife was also pregnant. Including Rich (20 weeks or so too), that makes 4 new babies on the team before the USAV season is over. I think that's pretty cool :)

Anyway, then Steve looked at me, and said "Well you guys are next. What's wrong with you? You need to get going." And I got pretty upset. I looked him in the eye and said "Steve, that's a terrible thing to say to someone who's had a miscarriage." Greg, whose wife has PCOS, agreed with me. Steve just sneered at me, like I was being dumb or something. And I looked down at my food because I seriously was about to cry. Then Steve very sarcastically said "Sorry Jen, geez." And then I couldn't help it. I just burst into tears.

So I excused myself, and went to the ladies room and just sobbed for about 10 minutes. I'm sure I made the lady in the stall next to me really uncomfortable. I don't know why what Steve said set me off. I guess the combination of trying for 6 months with only a miscarriage to show for it, and the feeling that the reason I'm not pregnant is because there's something inherently wrong with me was upsetting. And while I know how difficult it is to get pregnant and that there isn't any blame to be assigned anywhere, I certainly don't need my friends to accuse me of not trying hard enough, or rubbing it in that everyone around me is pregnant and I'm not.

After I'd mostly composed myself and washed my face, I walked out of the bathroom. Tyler had been camped out next to the bathroom waiting for me so he could give me a hug, but he thought I might have gone outside, so in the time when I left the bathroom, he'd gone outside looking for me. I made it back to the table, and there was a brief uncomfortable silence, at which point the guys kept talking about volleyball. Tyler came back and said "Oops, I just missed you." I ate a couple of bites of my food, but it was like sawdust in my mouth. I touched Tyler's leg and asked him to take my food home for me. He said "Are you ok?" which just made me dissolve into tears again. I said "No. I'm just going to go home." And I took off, sobbing in the middle of Columbia.

Afterwards, apparently all the married fellas at the table explained to Steve what a bad move he'd made. It's been two and a half days, and he still hasn't called to see if I'm ok, or if I've forgiven him, or to apologize or anything.

So here's the lesson guys: if you make one of your friends so upset that she flees your presence crying, find out if she's ok and tell her you're sorry you hurt her.